A brief health self-evaluation

Out of curiosity and partially inspired by boredom, I tabulated everything I ate and drank today and calculated my Percent Daily Values:

Calories -- 1630
Calories from fat -- 362
Total fat -- 47g (72%)
Saturated fat -- 12g (60%)
Cholesterol -- 160mg (53%)
Sodium -- 3058mg (127%)
Total carbohydrates -- 222g (74%)
Dietary fiber -- 18g (72%)
Sugars -- 92.5g
Protein -- 79g (158%)

Vitamin A -- 162%
Vitamin C -- 67%
Calcium -- 55%
Iron -- 59%
Folic acid -- 44%
Thiamin -- 34%
Riboflavin -- 8%
Vitamin B6 -- 26%
Potassium -- 46%
Phosphorus -- 5%
Magnesium -- 11%
Zinc -- 2%
Copper -- 8%
Niacin -- 26%
Vitamin E -- 5%
Vitamin D -- 25%

I had 2 servings of fruit, 2 servings of vegetables, 4 servings of grains, 3 servings of dairy, and 3 servings from the meat group. Not completely horrible, I guess.

Man, that tiny amount of soy sauce I had at dinner really raised sodium through the roof (by 38%!) Hmm, seems like I'm super low on zinc and vitamin E, and no vitamin K whatsoever? (Does it go by a different name here?) Well, at least I'm doing better on fiber and protein than I was imagining. And I lift weights, so I could use the extra protein. I also eat less than 2,000 calories a day, so some of these values aren't quite so bad.

Still, could use some help in the vitamins and minerals department. I remember taking Flintstones vitamins as a child, but I'm balking a bit at the thought of taking a multivitamin nowadays just because it seems like I'm not hopelessly deficient in EVERYTHING. And don't really want to overdo it by just taking something blindly. Supposedly, most vitamins will get flushed out fine if you get them in excess, but some don't, like Vitamin A. Maybe I should just take zinc and other specific supplements. EFAs are also supposedly pretty good to take. Well, according to somebody out there, I guess...

How did they figure out these numbers, anyhow?

Does anybody pay attention to what's in their multivitamins? Does anybody compare that to what they actually need?

Things I want to do (in no particular order)

- Finish my needlepoint ("Music by Candlelight")
- Learn how to knit
- Learn Cantonese
- Re-age my wardrobe
- Get weights or resistance bands to work out at home
- Read some classics
- Know more about my religion
- Get back into martial arts
- Revive piano and flute
- Own a nice keyboard (to help with the former)
- Be good at cooking
- Personalize my apartment
- Take more pictures
- Compose music
- Be in tune with my surroundings
- Show people that they are special, unique, and loved
- Be an individual

Opportunity

One of my life goals is to become ambidextrous. I am right-handed, and doing practically anything with my left hand feels awkward and unwieldy. But, I know that I wasn't always able to do everything that I can now do with my right hand. Things like writing, brushing my teeth, pouring milk, etc all came with many years of practice. The body's ability to learn through repetition is absolutely amazing.

There are many things that I can do with my left hand equally or nearly equally as well as I can with my right, including typing on a keyboard, washing mirrors, and playing piano. And for sure, I know that my right hand can't finger notes on a violin worth anything, while my left hand has all the facility in the world. So, I know it's possible for my left hand to learn to do tasks just as complex as the tasks that my right hand does every day. All it needs is the opportunity to try!

As I was thinking about that, I realized that there are so many things that I wish that I were good at that I've just accepted as impossible for me to do. Among those, I wish I were a warmer person. I wish I could get up in the morning. I wish I ate more healthily. I wish I could run for more than a mile. I wish I were good at remembering people's faces. I wish I kept up with what is going on in the world. I wish I were more deeply in touch with my religion. Those are just a few, but the list really goes on and on.

All of those are things that I'd recently given up on ever being able to do. Why? Because I thought, this is just the way I am and maybe I'm just not good at doing those things. One person is born with a certain set of talents, and another is born with another set of talents.

But the more I come to think about it, I think that while sometimes that line of thinking helps keep one's perspective in not comparing oneself to others, I think that I also sometimes use it as a cop-out. I figure, I'll let someone else be good at caring. I'll let someone else be good at understanding the world, helping people to be happy, or whatever else it is that I think I can't do. And so, I don't try as hard. In fact, I don't even give myself the opportunity to try.

Now I realize, I don't have to think that way at all. All I have to do in order to become better at the things that have not naturally come to me is to go to them. And I don't have to be amazing at them. I don't have to set records with just how up I am with religion, fitness, health, whatever. You don't take one leap from the beginning to the end of the race. Just a little at a time goes a long way. And a lot of that starts with creating opportunities for yourself. Placing yourself in situations where you can exercise or practice those abilities.

If I want to be a warmer person, I can place myself around people whom I admire for that. If I want to get up in the morning, I can give myself enough time to sleep at night. If I want to eat more healthily, I can be more prudent at the grocery store and only have things in my cabinet or fridge that I think will be good for my body. If I want to run for more than a mile, I can get myself out there and start with a few steps. It goes on and on.

And with running as an example, I find that it gets easier as you go. The hardest part is starting, and getting yourself over the hurdle of thinking that whatever it is that you're doing is too hard for you to do. Get past that, and just let your amazing, natural ability to learn do all the work for you. Put yourself in those situations, those opportunities, and then let the momentum do it for you.

It's like a swing; the biggest effort is to kick off and get it going, and then it only takes a little bit of follow-through to keep it going.

But you'll never get swinging if you never go find the swing in the first place.

I'm about to brush my teeth. Maybe I'll try that left-handed.

It's now or never

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

-- "A Dream Deferred", Langston Hughes

The solution to my life, according to Blogthings

You Should Get a PhD in Science (like chemistry, math, or engineering)

You're both smart and innovative when it comes to ideas. Maybe you'll find a cure for cancer - or develop the latest underground drug.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

My thoughts on guys, part II

Reading my previous post on this subject, I'm still surprised to look back and see how similar to myself I imagined my ideal guy to be. On the one hand, it is certainly attractive to have many things in common because those are the things that allow you to understand each other, relate to each other, and form a comfortable and reliable base for the relationship. On the other hand, it can be fascinating and intriguing to spend time with someone who experiences life just a little differently than you do.

It mixes things up a bit. It opens your eyes to new ways of thinking and feeling. It makes you start to question if your own way is really the right and only way to be. It gets you a little more excited about life in general. It keeps things fresh and alive.

Ideally, I want to be in a relationship where we can guide and uplift each other according to our individual strengths and talents. When two people have different strengths and weaknesses, both can simultaneously look to and respect the other in areas that they themselves are not as strong in. And on the flip side, each person can experience the joy and fulfillment of supporting the other in ways that come very naturally to them. Finding your match isn't finding someone who is equally good at everything you can do; a couple like that would have nothing to offer each other and nowhere to grow. It's not like matching identical cards in a game of Concentration. It's more like fitting Lego pieces together--there's a similarity yet complementarity that makes it work.

That's not to say I don't want to associate with people who are similar to me; those are the people I get along with the easiest, since we understand each other so well from the start. But I think those can be the friendships that fulfill the parts of your life that your significant other is not involved in. For example, I really doubt that I will end up with another computer scientist; that would drive me mad, I think. But I do enjoy talking to other computer scientists and turning over ideas that others might have no appreciation for. If my spouse had no idea what in the world I was talking about with my work, that would be just fine with me--I could always call up some friends to discuss my theories with.

However, I think I need to be with someone who understands music. Not necessarily a musician (although that would be nice too... but not a violinist!), but certainly someone who appreciates and speaks the language at a higher level than simply "oh, that's pretty." Music is such a huge part of my life and has such an impact on me that someone who couldn't understand it on an instinctual level would not be able to fully understand me.

Even with all this in mind, being with someone who thinks differently than you can be a scary prospect. It can bring about conflict when you disagree on certain things. But I don't think all conflict is necessarily undesirable. Conflict doesn't have to be unfriendly; it can simply be a difference in opinion. And the opportunity to reexamine, reevaluate, and defend your stance on life or some aspect thereof can validate your existence just as much as harmonious agreement can, especially when both parties can eventually come to a better understanding of the other and draw closer as a result.

There's so much more I have to say on this subject, but it's so hard to put into words. So I'll leave it at that.

Brainstorming New Year's resolutions

I think that I'll keep my New Year's resolutions list fairly short this year. Sometimes the list gets so long that it ends up looking really intimidating, and I give up within the first week. I figure that fewer things on the list means fewer things to concentrate on and therefore a higher success rate at keeping them.

Here goes a rough draft (I may or may not revise it, depending on how well it works out):

• Manage time effectively: I haven't been getting nearly as much sleep as I need in order to be fully functional and at my best. Particularly, my short-term memory doesn't seem to be working very well these days. I want to distribute my 24 daily hours more efficiently between academic time, work time, relax time, and sleep time. "Relax time" is actually a new requirement I'm making for myself this year separate from "sleep time", which will hopefully be around 8-9 hours a night. Yes, I do need that much sleep!!
  
• Get in shape: Exercising helps so many aspects of life. When I exercise, my mental facility, emotional balance, and physical well-being all improve. I feel a lot more alive and happy, and it feels good to move about and know you're doing something to keep your body from deteriorating. I'm not sure yet exactly what I want to do for exercise, but I'm going to shoot for a modest goal of 30 min, 3 days a week.
  
• Be aware of self: Something I've been dying to do for a long time is to start doing daily journal reflections. I want to see what I felt good about each day, what I didn't feel so good about, ways in which I'd like to improve, interesting or amusing things that happened, and any insights I've had about life. I want to be able to see the direction I'm heading in as a person, and I want to realize what I'm proud of and what I'm not proud of in myself. I want to believe in myself and feel good about myself, and develop a stronger self-image. I want to feel like I'm doing more than just letting life drift along.
  
• Enjoy people: There's so much more to college life than the academics. I want to be more sociable and spend more time with people that I like. It's amazing how relaxing and refreshing it can be to spend even a small amount of time catching up with friends and doing something fun once in a while. And it also makes you that much better at doing things you need to do, in my opinion.
  
• Organize finances: I've never done much budgeting with my money. I just earn as much as I can, try not to spend too much, and hope it comes out nicely. I want to do better about figuring out how much I want to save, and I want to be more careful about how and where I spend my money. My financial goal for life is to never be in debt when possible, but still live comfortably and have the resources to pursue my interests.

Hmm, one New Year's resolution that I ought to make is to actually keep my New Year's resolutions.

I'm thinking of maybe making signs for each of these and putting them up on the wall of my room. I've never tried anything like that before, and it might help me remember what I'm working on. I think it would be fun to make them kind of artsy too, so that they're nice to look at. A future Sunday project, perhaps...

Christmas present ethics

A friend of mine asked me the other day, "Is it wrong to buy someone a Christmas present, and then decide you like it a lot and buy another one for yourself?"

The funny thing was that I had just done that earlier. I dunno, is it?

My thoughts on guys, part I

My hard drive is freaking out after the last update I installed, which in turn is freaking me out, so I'm currently backing up everything on this computer. Before doing so, though, I'm trying to clean up and organize a little bit so I'm not just backing up stuff I wanted to get rid of anyway. Haha, it was actually one of my goals to clean up this computer during the Christmas break, so maybe this is just a little push to get me to do it.

Anyway, while looking through things, I found this note I wrote on April 21, 2005 about guys. Thought it was kind of funny and sounds just like freshman me, and I thought I'd put it up on here, albeit at the risk of seriously embarrassing myself. I think my thoughts on guys have greatly evolved since then, but it's pretty fun to hear what I thought at the time:



"Before you agree to marry a guy, you have to see how he acts when he’s mad. You need to know what he does when he’s frustrated, especially with his family members, how he treats them. You should see how he treats little kids, what he thinks of them. You should see him when he’s stressed, whether he despairs or hangs in there without complaint. You need to see how he treats his friends when he’s had an argument with them. You should think twice if he’s ever forced you to do anything against your will. Most of all, you should make sure it’s not on a whim, that you have already thought about marriage with him and that you have known him long enough, say maybe 2 years minimum. And it’d be best if you were at least 20.

"My ideal guy? By no means do I set absolute requirements or dismiss a guy if he doesn’t have one of these qualities or traits. I look at the big picture. But, I could definitely describe my ideal.

"First, physical traits. I tend to go for Caucasians. Maybe it’s because I’ve just grown up around white people, who knows. But I am attracted to height and that light hair color that’s somewhat in between blond and brown. I also like light-colored eyes. My ideal guy would be taller than [my brother], but I would still be taller than his shoulder. He would be heavier than me but faster than me (not TOO much faster), and he would be strong enough to lift me in his arms and carry me around without difficulty.

"There are certain qualifications that I’d also like him to meet. He would need to be older than me by at least two years, but no older than [my brother]’s age. He would be ... spiritual like [my brother]. He would be smart on a level comparable with mine, interested and good with languages, and energetic athletically. I am really impressed by coordination and quick reflexes in particular. He would be musically proficient on either cello or piano (but it would be great if he played others in addition). He’d know and be good with computers.

"As for personality traits, he’d be socially sound, but he’d have his dorky moments. He wouldn’t be the life of the party, but he’d be liked by everybody. He’d split time between people and girls (he’d still hang out with friends!). He’d have to be a night person. He’d hang out with mainly guys and not be like those guys who are super nice to all girls. He’d be more of a distanced, polite sort of nice to girls he didn’t know (or both genders for that matter). He wouldn’t be insecure, but he wouldn’t be overly confident; he’d be human and still have his doubts. He wouldn’t overanalyze relationships but he would still be a little nervous and analyze them somewhat. He’d get somewhat jealous but be cute (unknowingly) about confronting a girl about it (and he would confront, not sit there sulking). He’d give a girl space now and then. He would be the type of guy to be aware of girls’ personal bubble and sit some inches away from her. But if he liked her, he would sit closer sometimes and be nervous. Most importantly, he’d TALK.

"Well, there you have it. My kind of guy."



One thing that's pretty interesting is that a lot of the things I mentioned imply someone who is a lot like me (minus the Caucasian part). Lately, I've changed my mind a lot in that regard and think I would like to marry someone who is different from me in a lot of ways. Who wants to marry an identical person?

I think ideally I'd marry someone who shares a lot of common ground with me, but who has a different approach to life. I'm so logical, so deliberate, so serious. I need someone who will liven things up a bit.

More thoughts on this later.

Pressing the snooze button of life

Today's topic in church was procrastination. At first I thought, "Yeah, yeah... everybody does it and we all know we shouldn't." I almost zoned out. But then I started listening and thinking about it, and really so many of the worries and sources of stress in my life (and probably anyone else's) stem directly from procrastination.

What are the things I usually beat myself up about? Homework deadlines. Being late for things. Not being prepared for an audition or performance. Not being far enough along on a project. Not sending important emails or making important phone calls. Not keeping in touch with people. Not telling people how much I care about them. If I weren't such a procrastinator, all of those problems would vanish! It's not like I'm not capable of getting all those things done in the time that I have. I just get into this mode where I lack the willpower to make myself do anything.

I have a terrible time getting up in the morning. I'm the type of person who can hit snooze for over an hour and not really notice that time is going by. Funny thing is, if I wouldn't procrastinate going to bed, I'd get enough sleep and wouldn't procrastinate getting up in the morning. But that of course would require that I not procrastinate my work and have to stay up late. Which would mean that I would have to get stuff done earlier in the day, which would probably be easier if I got up on time. Which means that I would need to go to sleep earlier... etc. Endless downward spiral...

Sometimes I wish I could stop and hit the reset button and start with a clean slate. Nothing would be behind schedule, and then I could try to stay on schedule. But how do you get back to that point once you've started down the spiral? The lesson on procrastination is always to just not even do it. But where's the lesson that tells us what to do if we've already started doing it?

How do I stop when everything's already backed up like crazy? If I don't procrastinate one thing, I've gotta procrastinate something else to keep up. It's like getting caught in a pool of quicksand.

Itching to write

Apparently more people look at this blog than I thought. Which makes me slightly embarrassed about that post on falling in love... but I'm going to fight my introversion and remind myself that the reason I started blogging wasn't in order to hide my thoughts.

In all honesty though, there have been so many things I have wanted to say but I just haven't had the time to sit down and formulate coherent sentences. Sigh... the paradox of blogging. We all know it.

How to have a good day

Get enough sleep.
Take your time getting ready for the day's activities.
Do something spontaneous and different before you head out.
Pack a good lunch.
Spend some time outside in beautiful weather.
After a hard day's work, do a little bit of what you most like to do.
Spare a couple of minutes out of your busy day to catch up with people that you like.
Set aside enough time to have a nice, relaxing dinner.
Figure out one big thing that you need to do and get it done really well.
And at the end of the day...
...take a moment to reflect on how great this day has been.

I want to fall in love

I'm working on my master's and I just realized that I have no plans for after I get my degree. No preference on where I want to live, what I want to do, where I want to work... nothing. I think I always figured that this is the part where the guy's supposed to show up and start factoring into everything.

By the way, this is not a complaint about being single. I love being single. I have freedom, I don't have to worry about taking care of someone else and nurturing a delicate relationship, my time is my own and I can do whatever I like with it.

At the same time, it would be awfully nice to have someone to love and look after, and who loved me back and supported me too. Friends are forever, but that particular kind of companionship is just on an entirely different level.

I highly doubt that I'm going to be married by the time I get my master's degree. So then what? Whoever I marry depends on where I end up going after that. Don't want to mess THAT up. I mean, I'll probably end up going wherever the wind takes me but I sort of want to get married someday, too. I wonder who he'll be, what he'll be like, what sorts of things he'll like to do, what kinds of things he'll like to talk about. How will I find him? What will our story be like?

Are you out there, somewhere? Are you wondering these same things too?

I'm in an uncharacteristically girly and sappy mood. It's too bad it's a Tuesday night and I have homework, else I'd probably be switching on some chick flick right now. Wouldn't that be something?

Stop this train

Being the extremely pop-culture-ignorant individual that I am, I had never even heard of John Mayer until Jessie added a music player to her blog. I like pretty much all the stuff she's got on there, but I especially liked one Mayer song, "Stop This Train". Besides having a nifty acoustic guitar accompaniment, the lyrics really speak to how I've been feeling lately.

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind, but
I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I wanna get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
Don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I wanna get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
And don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in a while, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark

Singing, stop this train
I wanna get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

Lately I feel like I've woken up and discovered that life is racing by faster than I can handle. When I think about things like getting a full-time job, moving away from school, getting married, having kids, grandkids... and eventually losing my parents, my siblings, my friends, as we all get old... I'm not ready for any of that; I don't want to be ready for any of that yet. I'm not ready to fight life out on my own.

It seems like there are people who can, at the end of their lives, lie on their deathbeds and say with confidence that they're happy with the lives that they've lived and that they're ready to go. Obviously, I'm not to that point, but it makes me wonder -- what are the things that I want to have done by the time I die? What do I need to be happy? To feel like I've really made the most of my life?

What if I were to die tomorrow? What would I regret never doing, or trying, or saying? If I were to follow the saying "live as though you would die tomorrow", how would I live differently? Would I be kinder? More patient? Would I tell, show my family and friends more often how much I love them? Would I be better about calling, writing emails? About listening? About just being there for others?

I don't know what I want out of life. Or what it wants out of me. I don't know what I want to accomplish, and see, and experience before I'm ready to go. How can I be ready to live out the rest of my life if I don't know what I want to do with it?

Honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Inspirational quotes that I always ignored for some reason

Found my assignment notebook from high school! I pulled some quotes out of it that I like:

RESOLUTION: "When we cannot change a situation, resolution comes through the way we choose to handle it within ourselves." -- Gerald Coffee

MOTIVATION: "Ability is what you're capable of doing... motivation determines what you do... attitude determines how well you do it." -- Anonymous

OPTIMISM: "Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world." -- George Bernard Shaw

RESPONSIBILITY: "We can't take any credit for our talents. It's how we use them that counts." -- Madeleine L'Engle

ATTITUDE: "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." -- Maya Angelou

TOLERANCE: "The test of courage comes when we are in the minority; the test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority." -- Ralph W. Sockman

PERSPECTIVE: "When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." -- Alexander Graham Bell

INSPIRATION: "The key to life is imagination." -- Jane Stanton Hitchcock

Heather the 12-year-old poet (no. 6)

This was the most interesting poem for me to read. Made me kind of introspective again, actually.

MIRROR POEM: Secrets

When I look into the mirror,
I see another person.
A person I can relate to,
who can share all my secrets.
Looking into her dark eyes,
I can see something there:
A sense of achievement;
a strong self-motivation.
This, I feel,
is a dependable person,
who won't let me down,
unless it is beyond her control.
I can tell she has seen many successes,
yet I see also many failures.
I see how they bother her,
gnawing away at the back of her mind,
like little, pesky rodents.
Things that could have gone better,
had she put in the effort.
Opportunities that could have been opened,
had she only let them be.
But worst of all,
I see the failures that most torture her.
When those she cared most about,
had to endure pain and sorrow.
Those times are the most awful,
to her sensitive conscience.
Even if she could have changed nothing,
still the thought nags at her,
that she should have done something!
These things reveal themselves to me,
as I continue to look into her eyes.
However, I am quite sure,
that she will never burden another,
with the wild, troublesome thoughts,
that fly through her mind at every second.
Never will they know what lies beneath.
The cheerful smile,
the good-natured laugh,
it is all a concealment
of the problems she seeks to resolve.
She does not want others to worry,
or feel sorry for her,
or to know when they have hurt her,
so she simply keeps it a secret,
a caged animal threatening to emerge.
As I watch her,
I wish to tell her,
not to be so protective,
of the people around her,
but to be mindful to herself.
I want to tell her,
to enjoy herself in life,
and all the gifts it brings.
I feel that she should know
she can take a break sometimes.
And I will be there for her,
just as she is there for others.

Yeah. Speaks for itself, really.

Heather the 12-year-old poet (no. 5)

I think this poem was based on my 12th birthday party.

FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE POEM: Sleep-Over

Late at night,
the crickets chirping,
we stay up in the tent,
talking of times past.

Then up in the loft,
we whisper jokes,
and it takes all our willpower,
just to control our laughter,
which is threatening to escape,
like a wild bull,
that plunges through, overturning everything.

Going for a walk,
the streets are empty and silent.
The moon shines down,
resting high above our heads,
like a watchful predator in the night.

The wind dances gently,
soft and light as a feather,
or like the leaves that fly and swirl,
in the autumn breeze.

Beneath our bare feet,
the pavement is cool,
and seemingly smooth,
though in reality rough.

The houses are dark,
the people asleep within.
No one to see us,
to join us in our journey.

Returning to the tent,
all of them asleep,
we try to do likewise.

But still the excitement lingers,
the feeling of satisfaction,
that inevitably comes,
with our midnight adventure.

And as usual, I clearly didn't understand the proper use of the comma.

Heather the 12-year-old poet (no. 4)

APOLOGY POEM: Sorry About That

Sorry I put that stuffed animal,
right on top of your half-closed door.

It must have scared you when you opened it,
and the toy fell down at your feet.

But I really must say that when it fell,
the look on your face made me laugh SO hard!

Okay, I was debating about whether to put that one up, but I think it's a nice change of pace from the others. Oh, and the look on my brother's face really was pretty funny. Heh heh.

Heather the 12-year-old poet (no. 3)

I really rather like this poem. It made me happy just to read it.

FREE VERSE POEM: Moods of the Days

When it drizzles,
ever so slightly,
like a mist of freshness,
cool to the touch,
that always feels wonderful,
especially on summer days.
When the sun shines,
even through the clouds,
yet still it rains,
a thrilling sight.
Those are the times,
I feel a glowing contentment,
spread throughout me,
as I skip through the streets.
All my worries float away,
on the magical blanket,
that only mist can form.

When it pours,
and it's muddy and cold,
the earthworms wriggling,
glistening and pink.
When the twigs,
so tiny,
are pressed until they snap,
by the relentless rain,
coming down furiously.
Those are the days,
I feel gloomy,
tired and without stamina,
ready to collapse,
short-tempered.

When it snows,
all fluffy whiteness,
like soft feathers,
resting gently on the ground.
And the sparkling specks,
follow careening paths,
twirling and flipping,
as they try to reach the ground.
That's the season,
when I am always wide-awake,
alert and watchful,
the light reflecting from the snow,
dazzling in my eyes.

When the wind chills,
a knife slashing across the skin,
stripping the leaves from the branches,
whisking away the garbage cans.
That's the time,
when I shiver,
and wish I could go to sleep,
but the wind does not permit it.

My favorite kind of day,
is when it's the beginning of spring,
where everything is green,
when newborn animals,
come out to begin their life in the world.
The sun shines,
a gentle, warm glow,
not stifling,
not humid in the least.
The wind blows,
a gentle, soft breeze,
that blows my hair back,
and lets the leaves fly,
swirling up their small tornadoes.
The air is fresh,
with a smell saying, "NEW!"
neither cold nor hot,
but warm and cool.
This kind of day,
the best of them all,
is the time when I am happiest,
light as a feather,
as if nothing in the world,
no matter how heavy,
could ever weigh down my high spirits.
I can't help but be cheerful,
in my mysterious way,
and when I am frustrated,
all that is needed,
is a look at the lively world outside.

Putting aside for the moment the abundance of unnecessary commas everywhere, I didn't know I was capable of being this descriptive. Whoo, I actually shivered imagining all that.

Heather the 12-year-old poet (no. 2)

Okay, a forewarning before I share this poem: I was NOT abused as a child, and the poem has nothing to do with child abuse. Don't get too freaked out.

SCAR POEM: My Childhood

Punched in the face,
shoved into the wall,
glared at,
'till the shivers run down my spine,
tickling faintly,
but in a horrid way.
Shouted at,
ignored continuously,
and when something is wanted,
shoved off to fetch it.
Forced to sit still,
to be taught new things,
and how to do them,
so I can be useful.
All tensed up,
I hold my breath,
not daring to cry out,
not letting a sound escape.
For if I should get up,
as if to leave,
then would come the footsteps,
and a quick, smarting strike.
Such is my life,
the only one I know at the time,
where terror rules the day,
and nightmares rule the night.
And yet there are the good things,
that exist in spite of this.
Five years old,
I escape to school,
where the kids are my age,
and all are shy like me.
I meet new friends,
lifelong ones,
who I can trust implicitly,
who'll never let me down,
who help bring out my personality,
which has been trapped inside me,
never daring to show its face.
Gradually,
my newfound confidence strengthens,
and I venture out to higher things,
letting myself get rid of my stress,
burying myself in schoolwork.
And then one day,
my problem disappears,
quite suddenly,
forever, it seems.
But still it hurts,
to remember the days,
back as a little child,
when terror lived inside my house.

Umm... actually, I think I'll decline to comment on this one. I remember what I wrote it about, but I like it more for the writing itself than for what it refers to. It's a scar poem, after all.